ME: I shall put this token in the turnstile.
TOKEN: I am going into the turnstile.
ME: Now I shall push the turnstile and walk at the same time so as to walk, in one fluid motion, through the turnstile and onto the T platform.
TURNSTILE: I shall refuse to turn.
ME HAND ON THE TURNSTILE: I too shall remain immobile as the rest of my body walks through the turnstile.
ME SENSITIVE AREA: Oh look now we are being brought into quick and swift contact with the closed hand on the turnstile.
ME: Ow, sure glad that didn't hurt.
five minutes pass
ME: Ok, now that hurts.
ME SENSITIVE AREA: Ok, now this really hurts.
ME: I want to throw up.
ANOTHER MAN'S FERTILITY LOST THANKS TO THE MASSACHUSETTS BAY TRANSIT AUTHORITY
ME SENSITIVE AREA: You do realize this is the most action we've seen in a very long time, don't you?
ME: Shut up. Just-- shut up.