It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...
derspatchel

IN THE INTEREST OF FULL DISCLOSURE

A great many people on my friends list have been posting either embarassing high school pictures or embarassing angsty teenage poetry (or both for maximum hilarity) and I figure, well, I'm not one to follow a meme but this can't possibly be a meme since it doesn't involve Quizilla or dubious JavaScript, and since I'd already beaten all you trendmonkeys to the punch with regards to the embarassing pictures I could consider myself quite a bit of a trendsetter and thus dispense with the awful teenage poetry post-haste. And I won't have to feel like a bandwagon-hopper-onner.

The only problem is that I wasn't one for angsty serious knife-to-wrist poetry. No, I preferred to be sarcastic. I wrote sarcastic songs in terrible rhyme, getting all the concerns I had right off my chest and straight into the Yamaha keyboard I had. Noah and I thought we could get on Dr. Demento with our stuff. Perhaps we could've, with the right song. This may or may not have been one of them. I think we wrote it in 1991.

With that in mind, I present, almost fully-recalled and nearly-fully-annotated for noo an por nistenin peasuh,

The 90210 Blues
12 bar. Mostly.

There's a show that I can't stand
It's the baddest in the land
By "bad" I mean "awful" you know
The name of the show is 9-0-2-1-0
They say it's accurate, they say it's right [0]
Well I say it's just a way to kill a Thursday night

CHORUS
I say hey (hey)
Ho (ho)
Get rid of 90210
I say ho (ho)
Hey (hey) [1]
Cancel that puppy and do it today
It's the worst show that I've seen in years
But the worst part about it is that I'm missing Cheers [2]

Brenda is Shannon and Dylan is Luke
Their clothes and sideburns just make me puke
(unfortunately this is all of the second verse I can remember except for the last line which Noah wrote)
They've got eternal youth from this gosh-darned zip code

CHORUS

One week Brenda's pregnant, cause she went all the way
Next week she goes camping and finds a puppy, a stray [3]
This "Cause of the Week" thing sure leaves me sour
Poverty or condoms, problems solved in an hour
"You know, if real life were like this, we'd all have fabulous tan lines." [4]

CHORUS


[0] One of the chief complaints with the show that I had, at least, was that all the writeups kept saying "Oh, it's so true to the troubles young people face today!" Well, hell, I was a young people then, and I was facing troubles, and I never had any wacky Beverly Hills shenanigans like those kids. I think the main reason the show got a lot of my ire was that it was what the preps all watched, and of course being as anti-prep as one could be, I had to hate it. That and Colour Me Badd, which in retrospect really needed absolutely no reason whatsoever to hate, so I was A-OK there.

[1] Note the clever switching of the heys and the hos, much like Neil Young.

[2] This is clever, I thought back then, because there I admit I'm watching it even though I hate it so much. Okay I still think it's kinda clever, though the repetition of "worst" annoys me.

[3] This really happened. One episode there's a pregnancy scare, and then the next week there's no echoes of the previous week's scare, but instead -- oh gosh a puppy! For some reason their refusal to stick to continuity or create story arcs really irked me. And you know, I really didn't watch the show all that much, since Cheers was on and all.

[4] Probably the best line in the entire song. You can tell cause it wasn't mine.


Glad I got that off my chest! Tune in next week when I bring out even more screeds against 90210 that we wrote. Golly.
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