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July 31st, 2003


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01:32 pm - Instant Faith-Based Body Modification for Jesus
Hey gang, here's a great idea for a major public prank I had in a dream last night.

What you do is offer Instant Faith-Based Body Modification for Jesus. Set up a big curtained booth, staff it with doctors in liturgical getup -- you know, robes and shawls and pinky rings and stethoscopes and clipboards -- and then recruit all your ugly people friends as plants who wander up and loudly ask the Lawd to make them pretty and cast off the terrible burden they've had all their life. Then you stick 'em in the big curtained booth for a few minutes, one of the "doctors" goes in and hollers I CAST THEE OUT, UGLINESS! and then you send the beautiful person-plant wearing the same clothes (who was hiding in the booth all along) out and everybody hollers HALLELUJAH! PRAISE JESUS! WHAT A WONDERFUL MIRACLE WE HAVE WITNESSED TODAY!

(For added viscera you can also bring out a large clear bucket of animal fat and say WE HAVE CAST THE DEMONS OUT AND LOOK, DEAR FRIENDS, AT THE UGLINESS REMOVED! Meanwhile, the ugly person sneaks out the back while everybody's attention is diverted to the witnessin' and praisin' in the front and goes out for drinks.)



...hrum.

You know, it really seemed like a top-notch idea in the dream. But then again, so did communism to Marx as he cuddled up nice and tight in his trundle bed...

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