June 20th, 2004
|12:55 am - THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF SOFTWARE YOU'LL EVER INSTALL ON YOUR COMPUTER|
And boy howdy do I mean it!
It's the TERRAH ALERT!!!1 MONITOR
Just check out these features:
Only runs on Windows 98/2000/ME/XP!
- Keeps you up to date and informed
Checks with the Department of Homeland Security to determine when the color-coded TERRAH ALERT!!!1 status is changed.
- Resides on your desktop
A small window with a small footprint, but it does it's job to keep you informed.
- Selectable update period
You may set the automatic update time anywhere from once daily to every fifteen minutes.
- Notification sound effects
The Automatic TERRAH ALERT!!!11 Monitor notifies you with am alert sound when the national TERRAH ALERT!!!!1!!! level is raised or lowered.
- Proxy server enabledFor users behind firewalls, there are configuration settings to use a proxy server to access updates.
Win95, Macintosh and Linux users, you're screwed!! See you after the dirty bomb fallout, suckers!
NOTE: The name of the TERRAH ALERET!!!2! monitor may have been changed by Mr. D. Spatchel, Esq for purposes of humorous exaggeration.
You didn't mention the insidious and all-powerful spyware function for your greater security.
'Cause if the gummint didn't know which porn you'd been downloading, how could they fight terrorists?
Oh my goodness me. I thought you were going to link to a parody.
But self-parody is so much tastier!
That is absolute crap. I wonder if I could cash in on this by writing something just as craptacular and undercutting their registration price? Also, the View menu would have two modes, Normal or Thick-With-Biting-Sarcasm.
Hey, this is included as a sample perl tray application with the ActiveState Perl Dev Kit. It's also better than the one Spatch linked to.
You didn't even mention 30 DAYS RISK-FREE.
I assume that means it's guaranteed not to go above green for a whole month! How do they manage it?