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June 20th, 2004


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12:55 am - THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF SOFTWARE YOU'LL EVER INSTALL ON YOUR COMPUTER
And boy howdy do I mean it!

It's the TERRAH ALERT!!!1 MONITOR

Just check out these features:
  • Keeps you up to date and informed
    Checks with the Department of Homeland Security to determine when the color-coded TERRAH ALERT!!!1 status is changed.
  • Resides on your desktop
    A small window with a small footprint, but it does it's job to keep you informed.
  • Selectable update period
    You may set the automatic update time anywhere from once daily to every fifteen minutes.
  • Notification sound effects
    The Automatic TERRAH ALERT!!!11 Monitor notifies you with am alert sound when the national TERRAH ALERT!!!!1!!! level is raised or lowered.
  • Proxy server enabled
    For users behind firewalls, there are configuration settings to use a proxy server to access updates.
Only runs on Windows 98/2000/ME/XP!

Win95, Macintosh and Linux users, you're screwed!! See you after the dirty bomb fallout, suckers!

NOTE: The name of the TERRAH ALERET!!!2! monitor may have been changed by Mr. D. Spatchel, Esq for purposes of humorous exaggeration.

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:maga_dogg
Date:June 20th, 2004 02:07 am (UTC)
(Link)
You didn't mention the insidious and all-powerful spyware function for your greater security.
[User Picture]
From:maga_dogg
Date:June 20th, 2004 02:08 am (UTC)
(Link)
'Cause if the gummint didn't know which porn you'd been downloading, how could they fight terrorists?
[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:June 20th, 2004 02:18 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oh my goodness me. I thought you were going to link to a parody.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:June 20th, 2004 08:37 am (UTC)
(Link)
But self-parody is so much tastier!
[User Picture]
From:josh_giesbrecht
Date:June 20th, 2004 08:47 am (UTC)

wow

(Link)
That is absolute crap. I wonder if I could cash in on this by writing something just as craptacular and undercutting their registration price? Also, the View menu would have two modes, Normal or Thick-With-Biting-Sarcasm.
[User Picture]
From:fourcoffees
Date:June 22nd, 2004 01:13 am (UTC)

Re: wow

(Link)
Hey, this is included as a sample perl tray application with the ActiveState Perl Dev Kit. It's also better than the one Spatch linked to.
[User Picture]
From:betweenstations
Date:June 20th, 2004 10:46 am (UTC)
(Link)
From:archangelsk
Date:June 20th, 2004 11:22 am (UTC)
(Link)
No, no. It's TERRAH LEVEL NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE.
[User Picture]
From:joenotcharles
Date:June 20th, 2004 08:03 pm (UTC)
(Link)
You didn't even mention 30 DAYS RISK-FREE.

I assume that means it's guaranteed not to go above green for a whole month! How do they manage it?

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