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March 12th, 2004


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09:37 am - THIS SUMMER - RULES WERE MADE - TO BE BROKEN
Golly, but I had very little sleep last night. As I woke up cranky and might as well spend the rest of the day cranky, I shall share some of the crank with you.

Here you go, then: A new trailer for the I, Robot movie. And, as Ronnie B. would say, it stinks on ice.

I take that back -- it's worse than stinks on ice. It stars Will Smith as... uh, Will Smith, sassy detective of the future. It also stars robots that glow red when they're angry and beat up humans, and a horribly oversimplified version of the Three Laws of Robotics ("1. They cannot hurt us. 2. They must do what we say. 3. They must protect themselves.") Seriously, we're talking Asimov for Dummies here. It's a damn shame when one of the most cerebral yet accessible works of science-fiction ends up as Just Another Crummy Hollywood Summer Action Film. It looks as if -- well, it's not gonna look as if, it's going to be this year's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Oh, yeah, Akiva Goldsman contributed to the screenplay. If that don't set off the DOOP DOOP DOOP DOOP DOOP CRAP ALERT CRAP ALERT alarms in your head, I don't know what will. (Sure, he won an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, so what, he also gave us Batman & Robin. Action films are just not what he should be doing.)

Funny thing is, I wrote a parody trailer for Foundation back in 2000 when I heard someone was trying to adapt Foundation to the big screen. The sad thing is, the I, Robot trailer just about outdid me in parody, and to add insult to injury, it was all done unintentionally. So fuck you, movie.

(14 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


From:aussie_nyc
Date:March 12th, 2004 07:19 am (UTC)
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I read those Laws and cried big baby tears.
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From:hemlock_martini
Date:March 12th, 2004 07:22 am (UTC)
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Yeah, this one's been giving off wavy stink lines for a while now. It's a shame, too. About the closest thing we've had to a thoughtful, cerebral film about the nature of thinking robots is...well...A.I., and nothing more needs to be said about that.
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From:cheezdanish
Date:March 12th, 2004 12:22 pm (UTC)
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Oh, Christ. AI. The only movie that beat out Tomb Raider as my least favorite evar.
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From:derspatchel
Date:March 13th, 2004 03:15 pm (UTC)
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I thought Chris Barrie would've been Tomb Raider's saving grace for you, dear.
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From:derspatchel
Date:March 12th, 2004 07:33 am (UTC)
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The Zeroth Law in that case will be "Bad things can't happen when they're around."
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From:markm
Date:March 12th, 2004 07:41 am (UTC)
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Gah, that's awful. If Asimov were alive today he'd be spinning in his grave.
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From:pecosy
Date:March 12th, 2004 07:50 am (UTC)
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When the robot winked, I wanted to cry.
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From:signsoflife
Date:March 12th, 2004 07:57 am (UTC)
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wait -- smith is BAILEY?

Oh, dear lord.

I caught a bit of Ebert's review of Eternal Sunshine etc. (not that I'm a big Ebert fan in general, but) and he said something like "the amazing thing is that even though it's got this science-fictional premise, it's actually got some truth about relationships in it. . . " And I didn't know whether to hiss or cheer.


From:yuda
Date:March 12th, 2004 09:21 am (UTC)
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It may just be that I never read the comics (or whatever it was adapted from), but I thought League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was damn good. If I, Robot is as good, it'll be a success for them.

For what it's worth, I haven't bothered to watch the trailer. And I've never been a big fan of Asimov, either.
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From:derspatchel
Date:March 13th, 2004 12:27 am (UTC)
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The League film is a big, boomy, summer action vehicle. Unfortunately, it could have been a whole lot more, what with an absolutely brilliant comic series behind it. That kinda wasted potential is kinda sad.
From:yuda
Date:March 13th, 2004 11:38 am (UTC)
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Yeah, like I said, it's probably because I'm not familiar with the source material. I'll probably feel the same way if the rumours about making Neverwhere into a movie ever pan out. (I'd say the same about Good Omens, but since Gilliam is allegedly directing it, I have higher hopes.)
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From:maga_dogg
Date:March 12th, 2004 10:17 am (UTC)
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Kill me. Preferably not in bullet time.
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From:mcduff
Date:March 12th, 2004 08:36 pm (UTC)
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Dear God, it looks like it's going to be so awful I could cry.
From:huskyscotsman
Date:March 13th, 2004 03:20 am (UTC)
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SALVOR HARDIN: Of all the Seldon Crises we've faced, that was the Seldon Crisiest, baby.

Wow, now I actually kind of want to see that movie. Good work.

I, Robot looks like a steaming pile of mince, though. I guess they based it on that one story that had a robot whose Laws hadn't been calibrated properly. And figured that if it could happen to one robot, it could happen to a 1,000 robots!!!

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