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EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD! - OFFICIAL CAT BIDNISS

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June 18th, 2014


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10:31 pm - OFFICIAL CAT BIDNISS
FROM THE OFFICE OF
Someone who just wanted to get a little work done

A PROCLAMATION.

WHEREAS the afternoon sun comes directly into the living room and the dining room, making such places broilingly hot; and

WHEREAS we made the wise decision of locating our offices on the northernish side of the house with a triple-decker next door; thereby keeping them away from direct sunlight

WE HEREBY PROCLAIM, PRONOUNCE, AND CERTIFY that

one _TYBALT AUTOLYCUS_, a.k.a. _THE EX-RUNT_, _THE RASCAL KING_, _THE KITTEN ITSELF_ and _DOOFUS_; and

one _HESTIA HERMIA_, a.k.a. _X THE UNKNOWN_, _LADY CAT_, _PESTIA_ and _NOBODY'S BUTTERFLY TODAY_

ARE HEREBY PERMITTED

__ACCESS TO THIS ONE GUY'S OFFICE__

UNDER THE STRICT PROVISIONS THAT THEY

Play By, Follow and Don't Mess Around with:

THE RULES
as set down by THE MANAGEMENT.

If youse guys want to stay in this nice, cool room, perfect for sleeping and being super quiet:

  1. DO NOT CLIMB UP LEGS. Even if you don't really mean it. Even if they're wearing long pants. If you want up on the chair, jump on the chair itself or ask politely. DO NOT attempt to SCALE THE VERTICAL HEIGHTS OF MT. LEGMORE. Too many attempts, O youth 'mid snow and ice, and you're out into the desert there under the harsh Tatooine suns.

  2. DO NOT FREAK OUT AND RUN AROUND ALL CRAZY. To do so requires nice, long stretches of surface upon which to work up a good running speed, and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW the best place for that would be the HOT SALT FLATS out there under the harsh Tatooine suns to which you will be SUMMARILY DISPATCHED.

  3. DO NOT FIGHT AND MEAN IT. Master Blaster rules Thudnerdome. Master Blaster knows sometimes kittens want to take a round or two in the Thudnerdome, AS LONG AS IT DON'T GET PERSONAL. Once it do get personal, and someone CRIES UNCLE, combatants must CEASE ALL FIGHTING YOU CHOWDAHEADS and COOL YUH JETS ALREDDY. Should HOSTILITIES CONTINUE, the combatant with whom Master Blaster is MOST DISPLEASED shall be BANISHED to the DINING ROOM WASTELAND under the harsh Tatooine suns and maybe we're overdoing it with the science-fiction here.

  4. DON'T EAT ANYTHING YOU SHOULDN'T. The Management reserves the right and will do its utmost to remove from the floor WHATEVER IMPLEMENTS IT FINDS that YOU WEIRDOS might find APPETIZING. This includes but is not limited to
    • PLASTIC BAGS
    • PAPER BAGS
    • ANY OTHER BAG THERE IS
    • FOOD
    • NOT FOOD
    • ETC.
    Previous experience with PROPER MOOCHERS has reminded us that CATS are STUPID HUNGRY and will TRY TO CONSUME anything that looks like oh seriously cat what are you thinking that's caramel off a wrapper no Abbie you damn idjit just no.

  5. ANYTHING ELSE THAT COMES UP AND YOU KNOW IT WILL BECAUSE CATS.
SO SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED, IT'S OURS ON THIS _EIGHTEENTH_ DAY OF _JUNE_, _2014_

_____what_____ T. AUTOLYCUS (cat)

___whatever___ HESTIA H. (cat)

______us______ THE PEOPLE. (people)

AND ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE CAN GO TO TOSHI STATION AND PICK UP SOME POWER CONVERTERS.

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:red_queen
Date:June 19th, 2014 03:38 am (UTC)
(Link)
Well said. Not that the little banshees stick to written agreements.

In other feline news, a good mouser is not always a good thing. I just found a decaying mouse IN MY BED where it had been for days under a pile of books. Just sayin'. Sometimes even the features are bugs.
[User Picture]
From:muffyjo
Date:June 19th, 2014 04:15 am (UTC)
(Link)
The signatures say it all. :) nicely documented!
[User Picture]
From:sovay
Date:June 19th, 2014 04:52 am (UTC)
(Link)
FOOD
NOT FOOD
ETC.


They are already becoming experts at "ETC."
[User Picture]
From:desperance
Date:June 19th, 2014 05:34 am (UTC)
(Link)
Ah, contracts with cats. There are whole books to be written, about contracts with cats. And how that worked out.*

This week we fitted the air-conditioner unit into m'wife's office, so she can have a cool room to work in. A cool room with two cats, apparently. She is attempting to teach them the fine art of getting along or being exiled. I will pass on to her the phrase "harsh Tatooine suns," as she may find it useful.


*Hint: not well. Not well at all.
[User Picture]
From:nineweaving
Date:June 19th, 2014 06:29 am (UTC)
(Link)
What happened? There ain't no sanity clause.

Nine
[User Picture]
From:tyopsqueene
Date:June 19th, 2014 11:37 am (UTC)
(Link)
this will definitely work.
[User Picture]
From:genarti
Date:June 19th, 2014 04:11 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I see no likely future here but immediate understanding and compliance!

(But it's an excellent contract. I may have been giggling all through.)

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