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Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch? - EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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February 16th, 2012


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10:59 pm - Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?
I've been playing Minecraft since the alpha launch (back when there were chibi anime girls running around instead of zombies -- don't ask) and yet I've never really delved into Creative Mode, where you can play with infinite amounts of material and no threat of death. I prefer to mine my own castles and chop down my own trees to make my own tools, but this means that unless I get really really bored and go mine a lot of iron and redstone, I won't get to play much with some of the more advanced aspects of the game, such as the boxes of TNT what blow up REAL good.

I decided to fix that, and generated a new game world in Creative Mode. Now I could run around placing blocks to my heart's content. I could build a gigantic statue of a man holding pancakes! I could build a house with a waterfall slide! I could make a working subway system!

Or I could blow it the hell up.


First I had to pick a spot in this pristine, newly-generated game world. I'm going to start small in this nice peaceful river valley.


Wanna blow stuff up? First, dig a hole like this.


Fill it with TNT. That's 11 cubes of TNT there all told. I didn't want to use 27 because I thought that would be overkill.


Next, construct an Ingenious Device With Which to Explode Things. My Minecraft mechanization isn't the greatest yet and my methods are extremely clunky, yet effective. Consider the red lines here as electrical wires that also serve nicely as fuses. When this device is lit, it activates the pistons which push the leftmost TNT blocks onto the pile, which are then activated by the fuse you see on the brick at the top. This fuse is lit when the device is activated, you see. Then the whole shebang will blow up.

Yes, you could just set the fuse to light the TNT directly without the pistons and the pushing, but where the hell's the fun in that?!


Besides, you'll want to construct yourself a staging platform from a nice, safe distance away, preferably one with a view. That nice little pond over there helps the view, don't it?


As the moon slowly sinks in the west, we prepare to pull the switch.


And there's the kaboom. I think. Didn't look too impressive, did it? (The game's framerate also dives into the single digits as it tries to calculate each explosion and its effect.)

So I wonder what kind of hole fourteen blocks of TNT produced.


Well! That sure beats digging indiscriminately for a few minutes, eh? Too bad the explosion also took out the Ingenious Device, but those are sacrifices one makes for science.

And yet, I was kind of hoping for a larger explosion. So I thought to myself gee, if I dug a small hole and filled it with a little TNT...


...what would happen if I re-filled the resulting hole?


No, I mean, really fill it.


That'll do.


The rain pours as the Ingenious Device Mk. II is prepared.


But not even the Rain God itself could dampen a TNT explosion. I don't even want to begin to count how many blocks there are in that hole. More than 27, that much I know.


Speaking of holes, FIRE IN THE




Now this is a blast crater! Oh, say, remember that little pond between our initial Ingenious Device and the staging platform? I sort of turned it into a waterfall.

And yet, that explosion still might not have been big enough for my tastes...


Oh, like you wouldn't try again.


Thank heavens for creative mode, or I'd have been digging up gunpowder and redstone for months.


Takes a long time to fill that much space with that much TNT. Several game days passed as I placed block after block after block


after block after block after block after


okay I think it's ready.


The Ingenious Device Mk. III is prepared.


We take one final look at our special world and its gigantic, TNT-filled hole. Ready when you are, Oppenheimer.

The switch is pulled, there's a loud kaboom, the game freezes for thirty seconds, and I can't wait to see the destruction wrought upon this unsuspecting game world...


Oops.

Unfortunately, this is the same message I receive when I try to re-load that game world. It simply cannot render the hole I have made, deal with water physics in newly-open spaces, and calculate new lights and shadows and whatnot in one fell swoop. You cannot load this game world anymore.

I have effectively destroyed it. With TNT.

There's a lesson to be learned here, and that lesson is never try this on someone else's server. Which I didn't; I played locally, thank you very much, but I just wanted to warn you in advance if you decided it'd be a great thing to share with random Internet people. And don't blame me if your CPU melts. Blame Java. Seriously.

(17 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


From:zhym
Date:February 17th, 2012 04:31 am (UTC)
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Where's the "kaboom?" There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering "kaboom!"

This is great. I have more fun reading about you playing games than I have playing them.

I had a suspicion that the end result was going to be some sort of resource issue. Shame, though. The result would likely have been glorious.

Or maybe the kaboom broke out of the simulation and crashed the simulation itself. That's like, so philosophical, man.

From:coho29
Date:February 17th, 2012 04:36 am (UTC)
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In the immortal words of SCTV Farm Film Report: "Blowed up good!" "Blowed up real good!"
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From:sovay
Date:February 17th, 2012 07:56 am (UTC)
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I have effectively destroyed it. With TNT.

That's meta.
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From:tyopsqueene
Date:February 17th, 2012 08:13 am (UTC)
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I know nothing at all about this game, and I'm still laughing.
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From:wring
Date:February 17th, 2012 10:21 am (UTC)

you accidentally minecraft

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lol i love it
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From:metahacker
Date:February 17th, 2012 12:31 pm (UTC)
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This here's art.
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From:markm
Date:February 17th, 2012 12:35 pm (UTC)
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ha! nice
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From:srakkt
Date:February 17th, 2012 01:03 pm (UTC)
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Speaking of Minecraft, I'd seen you poke onto my server a while back - I guessed I missed you by about an hour, and at the time I had not moved the spawnpoint closer to things I had built... hardly matters now; a crash and corrupted set of region files lost that castle forever. :(
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From:derspatchel
Date:February 17th, 2012 07:18 pm (UTC)
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Oh! Yes! That was me! I wandered around, hit a few things, killed a spider with my bare hands, and then sacked out indoors as the sun came up. Kinda like a real day, only blockier.
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From:ron_newman
Date:February 17th, 2012 03:03 pm (UTC)
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From:hemlock_martini
Date:February 17th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC)
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*golf clap*
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From:marphod
Date:February 17th, 2012 04:17 pm (UTC)
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Well done, Spatch. They said it couldn't be done, but you managed it. You broke it. You broke the world. You broke the whole world. Shame. Shame. Shame.

As your punishment, you have to go pick up a phone booth.


(Or, to quote Eponis "wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.")
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From:mangosteen
Date:February 17th, 2012 07:16 pm (UTC)
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*applause*
From:lno
Date:February 17th, 2012 09:29 pm (UTC)
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Oh, like you wouldn't try again.

Died laughing here.
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From:mmcirvin
Date:February 17th, 2012 11:24 pm (UTC)
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You finally really did it! You maniac! You blew it up! Oh, damn you! GOD DAMN YOU ALLLLLL TO HELLLLLL!!!!!!
From:archangelsk
Date:February 18th, 2012 08:38 pm (UTC)
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Oh shit, there goes the game world.
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From:agent_dani
Date:February 18th, 2012 05:23 am (UTC)
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I'm smelling a new burn-in test for servers at my job.

I deal with a statistics/business analysis/business intelligence system that is heavily Java based.

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