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"I'm sorry I hacked your cat!" - EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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January 22nd, 2009


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09:35 am - "I'm sorry I hacked your cat!"
The other night I was explaining the sheer hilarity of placing a Chip Clip on the fur of the cat's back. Upon feeling this change to the fur, a cat will instinctively believe it is walking under something and then try to slink underneath the obstacle. However, the sensation does not go away, so the cat ends up slinking around everywhere looking very cross indeed. It is a laugh a minute if you like cross-looking cats pretending to be weasels.

I do not consider this cat baiting or any other horrendous form of meanness. Nay, I consider myself performing a job similar to that of the peon who walked or rode behind Caesar during public processions, continually whispering into the emperor's ear that he, too, was only mortal. Cat, you have as much dignity as the rest of us. Here is where we disprove your claimed surfeit.

Lacking a Chip Clip at the time (a "Chip Clip", of course, is the elongated clothespin-type device that keeps your bags of potato chips nicely closed up and fresh), I opted instead to try a little alligator clip that you use to keep a small stack of paper fastened together. I scored nearly a direct hit on the cat's back, but instead of entering into a state of perma-slink, he just walked briefly, shook his back fur in an attempt to dislodge the clip, and complained loudly at me that SOMETHING wasn't very funny at ALL.

Fair enough. One of the other people in the room wondered out loud what would happen if the clip was placed on some other part of the cat's fur. She took the clip and affixed it to the fur on the side of Abbie's neck, a little behind the mane proper.

Abbie promptly threw up.

We are still not quite sure if the clip on the side of the neck actually prompted him to yarf -- was it something to do with equilibrium or another instinctive stimulus/response? Or was it mere coincidence? Abbie does throw up on a not-so-rare basis, and we could have just had the bad timing of messing about with the clip when he was getting ready to kick his last meal out of his stomach for one reason or another. Still, we were not willing to repeat the experiment, because we realized it was probably not kind to continue the Scientific Method in this fashion and also because I was running out of paper towels.

This did not mean, however, that we could not claim that we had indeed gone and broken Abbie's firmware. CRITICAL ERROR VB540.dH0 IN LINE 15, DINNER DUMPED. And suddenly I had someone ferverently apologizing to me for hacking my cat. (He went back to the food dish a few minutes later, so I know his appetite hadn't suffered in any way, and he didn't go sulk for the rest of the night so his bruised ego seems to have healed.)

With this in mind, I am now trying to figure out how you flash his BIOS for the next time we may encounter CatOS problems.

(23 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:bkdelong
Date:January 22nd, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
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Fascinating. Binder-clip induced cat vomiting.
[User Picture]
From:tyopsqueene
Date:January 22nd, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
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[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<insert [...] hack/hawk-based>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<Insert Hack/Hawk-based pun>
[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:January 23rd, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
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BEAUTIFUL. Especially the bit about the raw contents.
From:lno
Date:January 22nd, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
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For the love of god, and for your own sanity, never attempt to overclock your pets. I speak from painful experience here.
(Deleted comment)
From:lno
Date:January 22nd, 2009 03:24 pm (UTC)
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If you can get water-cooling wrapped around your cat, you are a better man than I.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 22nd, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC)
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And let's not even begin to consider the Elizabethan Kitty Collar.
[User Picture]
From:cheezdanish
Date:January 22nd, 2009 05:26 pm (UTC)
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This made me laugh. b(^_^)d
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:28bytes
Date:January 22nd, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
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Try the USB port.
[User Picture]
From:gwynethfar
Date:January 22nd, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
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We put a collar with a bell around our cat's neck. He walked backwards for a whole day, trying to get out of it.

Did I laugh? Oh, yes. And it was the heartless laugh of a cat owner who has been judged too many times by an animal who thinks it owns me just because I clean up its poopers.
[User Picture]
From:off_coloratura
Date:January 22nd, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
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Post-its work well for me.
[User Picture]
From:radiotelescope
Date:January 22nd, 2009 04:35 pm (UTC)
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...and sometimes the cat's dignity shows *you*.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 22nd, 2009 08:02 pm (UTC)
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Oh, he sure showed us what's what, all right.
[User Picture]
From:liddle_oldman
Date:January 22nd, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC)
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A) *laughs out loud*

B) Cats hate mods. Just hate 'em.

C) My sister runs a B&B just outside Davis Square! A completely random fact from a completely random stranger (who wandered in from Cheezedanish)!
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 22nd, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC)
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Whoa hey! Is it the one on Mass. Ave or is it the one tucked into the side streets? I have heard of both of them and have probably walked by both on many an occasion! It is indeed a small world.
[User Picture]
From:oakenguy
Date:January 22nd, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
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While Abbie's done enough for science, the Scientific Method demands that other cat owners attempt this. When Our Future Feline Overlords descend from the stars, this could be the difference between freedom and life in the litter mines.
[User Picture]
From:cjfringe
Date:January 22nd, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
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This made me crack up at work.
[User Picture]
From:luckimunki
Date:January 22nd, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
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Have you heard of a book called 'How to Annoy Your Cat' or something like that? I saw this in a bookstore one time, and this very prank was inside. Only, they called it 'commando kitty' and suggested you affix a length of masking tape along the cat's back.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 22nd, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
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Commando Kitty is hilarious naming there.

The thing we used to do with masking tape was to put a piece on the pad of only one paw. Then when the cat walks, he goes step - step - step - WHAT THE HELL - step - step - step - WHAT THE HELL I MEAN SERIOUSLY

oh tons of fun.
[User Picture]
From:redtheblue
Date:January 23rd, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)

The horror

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Commando Kitty! "I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving."

I used to have a cat that, when you scratched a particular spot on her back, her eyes would look pop open and she would twist her head back and forth, flicking her tongue out. She seemed to think she was a lawn sprinkler.
[User Picture]
From:batyatoon
Date:January 23rd, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
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*cracks up*
*hates self for doing so, but is still cracking up*

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